its just simple

2008-11-26T10:15:00.003+08:00

Hey guys! Sorry for the lack of updates! Today will most probably be the most relaxing day for the past month. Im putting down fyp for the moment and am goign to spend the afternoon baking cheesecake!!!!! And oh my, I think ive been neglecting my family quite abit. Even though im home 80 percent of the time, Im usually locked up in the room studying or doing fyp. :(

I miss dear ahwan!!!! am going to buy you FOOD FOOD and more FOOD when i go ntuc later :) and ah qi is still as funny and un-ladylike as usual... and my gals!! i had a great time talking to all of you the other night! we should meet up more often!!! :)

2008-10-19T17:45:00.003+08:00

Hello my gals and DA MAN :)

It's been a busy busy school term.... stressed over FYP, busy over endless presentations and reports, fretting over the lack of time for mugging before exams.....AARRGHHHH... I wanna be a farmer, a milkmaid. Milk the cows all day with endless supply of fresh milk, and cheese to bake cheesecake for da man.... waking up to the fresh dewy scent of the grassland just outside my country style furnished house....sipping tea and eating muffins, slow dance to jim reeves..........

As contradictory as it may sound, I think i will miss life as a student when I start working ( as a teacher) No more free weekdays, no more friday morning badminton session :(

Oh man, tell me tell me, tell me if i should spend the whole day and night with da man on friday or should I forgo the morning badminton and study till 3pm before meeting da man?

Love and no kisses
Jo

2008-10-10T15:29:00.002+08:00

It's not easy, but we will keep it going

到老都要牵着你的手

:)

2008-09-28T23:39:00.002+08:00

At the rate I'm going, my degree is gonna increase, increase and increase, and my eyes are gonna be smaller and smaller, and smaller........

Interview was great, nice editor, nice people, nice chinese educated uncles. If only I have passion like theirs. If only. It's tough, in such result-oriented circumstances.

And I'm tired. Exhuasted. I need a break. Lets mambo. Even if there's only me and you, qi.

I need sports. I need to go trekking, walking, play badminton, whatever. To truely exhaust and recharge.

Everthing seems so peaceful, yet so chaotic. Contradictory. Well, it's me.

2008-09-23T22:41:00.002+08:00

I've recently found solace in this book that DK lent me. " OPENING THE DOOR OF YOUR HEART " by Ajahn Brahm, a monk from Western Australia. My trips to NUS and NTU have been much more fruitful than the research materials I found in the library, all thanks to the religious reading Ive been doing on the train. Here are some of the phrases and parts of the stories that are all so true and simple, not at all profound, but we being complicated beings, just don't see it. Be open minded, and most importantly, be at peace with yourself and all things around you before you proceed to read. Then you WILL see it.

On critical problems and their compassionate solutions:

"When we have to make a decision and are unsure what the decision should be, we need to pull over to the side, have a look and wait. Soon, usually when we are not expecting it, a solution will come. Every solution has it's own destination. If that destination suits us, then we take that solution. If not, we wait. There's always another solution coming behind."

"How much time do we waste in our lives worrying about things that, at that time, have no solution, so aren't a problem? "

"When there's nothing to do, then do nothing. "

"Even in dire situations, there is always some honey dripping from somewhere. If we are wise, we will put out our tongue and enjoy some of that honey. Why not? When there's nothing to do, then do nothing, and enjoy some of life's honey. So why waste the moments of honey, even in the most desperate of troubles. The future is uncertain. We never can be sure of what's coming next."

On Fear

"The possibilities for the future are infinite. When we focus on the unfortunate possiblities,that's called fear. When we remember the other possibilities, which are usually more likely, that's called freedom from fear."

"Fear is finding fault with the future. If only we could keep in mind how uncertain our future is, then we would never try to predict what could go wrong. Fear ends right there."

"Fear is the major ingredient of pain. It is what makes pain hurt. Take away the fear and only feeling is left."

2008-09-20T18:43:00.003+08:00

I seriously have no freaking idea what's wrong with myself. I like to plan and think too much for my own good, so much so that it affects people around me. I feel bad, and most of all, SELFISH. The need to think, to plan ahead bounds down to the fact that I'm simply an emotional, insecure freak. And I guess no one can ever help me. Maybe not even myself. I'm trying to take a step back, just take many many steps back and look at the whole situation with a more relaxed attitude. Or can someone just simply remove the neurons or whatever in me that is responsible for this irritating behaviour of mine?

I wanna escape. Alone.

2008-09-20T12:52:00.002+08:00

I can't help but to feel this way. Uncertain and fear.

Focusing too much on the future spoils the fun of the moment. And the importance of the present. But I'm just afraid. Afraid that there wouldn't be a future.

I don't mean to exert pressure, but i did anyway.

Southern Ridges 5/9/08 :)

2008-09-07T17:30:00.014+08:00

" Im gonna prove that I have a better sense of direction than Danny!" I was the one who led us most of the time. Haha.
Getting all excited admist FYP shit
I love your dimples :)

Some ulu road along the outskirts of NUS. A good place for some floral and fauna.
This is what we all need.

Walking the windy road with you :)
Hui, this is specially for you :)

Me: " BANANA TREE!!" Dk: " Palm tree la....."
I forced him

" Im not the glutton....."
Ok, it's me. I was thirsty.
Kent Ridge Park

We were lucky to spot a bunny. DK said it's most probably abandoned by its owner. It's rather skinny though. He even suggested catching it so that i can take a close shot. No way Dear dear, I know what you're thinking....
He finished the teh peng before i could take the last sip.

Heading towards Canopy Walk.

I love this shot :)

It speaks for itself doesn't it?? Don't tell me they paint the leaves?!

The part that Shiqi missed / did not tell us previously.

Hort Park. Waitng for my prince.
There he came! :)
And i was overjoyed :)

Telok Blangah Hill. My favourite part of the trail. A successful attempt in bridging people and nature. :)

At last :)

2008-08-24T17:35:00.003+08:00

And so, I've found him :)

Hoping and foreseeing that he will be my last and most precious one.

No romantic dates, sweet nothings, fanciful gifts or surprises. Just an exchange of our bare souls. And of course, our vision for the future. Marriage and kids. We even settled on three :)

I totally amazed myself, and touched the tears out of him. Never is there a moment like this. More to come definitely :)

It feels right. He came not to fill up the gap, but to bury it like how we bury the past.

And of course, I would like my dear friends to meet MY ONE :)

MOON RIVER

2008-08-16T18:30:00.000+08:00

Moon River, wider than a mile,

I’m crossing you in style some day.

Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,

wherever you’re going I’m going your way.

Two drifters off to see the world.

There’s such a lot of world to see.

We’re after the same rainbow’s end–

waiting ’round the bend,my huckleberry friend,

Moon River and me.

2008-08-09T20:46:00.003+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates :)

Back from Redang. It's a wonderful trip :)

And comes along a budding friendship, possibly something more.

Been thinking a bit and also letting the feelings override the mind.

Coz i wanna make the next one the last one.

So into this I can't take my mind off it.

Fyp still awaiting.

2008-07-14T19:06:00.003+08:00

I had nightmares of all sorts.

Dreamt that my bag was stolen, found the asshole who stole it, coz I had my name written on one of the documents inside!! And he is stupid enough not to get rid of my name.

Dreamt that I saw them. And WTH I was staying with her. Really really traumatising and torturous.

And Im finally going Redang.

2008-07-02T17:55:00.001+08:00

I need to:

Clear my stools

Stay rational

Breathe in and out

Shout

Scream.

OK IM GOING RUNNING.

2008-06-28T23:25:00.002+08:00

Back to all things familar, facing reality once again, and memories.

It's a good break. One that separates the past from the present. Things don't change, but people do.

Somehow, I feel reborn, renewed. As if my life has just started, as if the past doesn't exist. And somehow, I felt that I don't really know myself, I don't know this person that I'm. Scary, yet interesting.

It's not a new chapter, but a continued one :)

And so I asked, what lies ahead?

2008-06-17T16:24:00.000+08:00

2008-06-16T23:01:00.001+08:00

Can't wait to be home. But no complications please. Just me, myself and I.

2008-06-07T00:48:00.000+08:00

梦醒时，我又再一次失去了你。

2008-06-02T10:24:00.002+08:00

I felt the ground shaking violently at 1AM. Up down, up down. I felt dizzy afterwards, the room moving left right, left right.

Earthquake at 6.0 magnitude -- Yilan. Taipei is at a scale of 3.

SCARED THE SHIT AND URINE OUT OF ME. I DON'T WANT TO DIE YET. NOT IN THIS MANNER.

TEH C AND KOPI, I WILL BE BACK.

淡水

2008-06-01T22:39:00.009+08:00

2008-05-27T21:09:00.002+08:00

So today's adventure was to 乌来, alone, a mountainous area preoccupied dominantly by the Atayal tribe （泰雅族）It was raining the whole day, so except for the waterfall and the streets, I didn't get to visit many places. I want to go to the national park!!!! :(

Ok, two interesting encounters today.

I was on the mrt, and was about to take my motion sickness pill as the road up to the mountain would be a long and winding one. There was this police woman opposite me. Tall, strong and big built. Just as I was about to turn on the cap of my water bottle, she shouted " 小姐！这里不能喝水！”. I was a little taken back by her stern tone. I then showed her the pill on my tongue and told her “不好意思我得吃药”and guess what follwed? She stared at me with the "你敢喝给我试试看！！”look. Mind you, it was a 6 second long, cold hard stare. Me being me, ( ever since i came to Taiwan), I returned her with a stare too, with my big eyes and 不以为然 look. And so, it was a slient war of staring. We both didn't utter a word, just stared into each other's eyes. And throughout this 6 or 8 seconds, I wasn't hesitating whether to drink the water or not, because I'm determined to drink it, even if she's going to send me to the police station or the Mrt office or whatever. And so, i opened the cap, and i drank my water. Seeing the need to explain again, i said “不好意思”. She alighted 2 stations later. I understand that she's just carrying out her duties, but laws are laws, humans are humans, the former is made flexible by the latter isn't it? And I really need to take my medicine, if anything is going to happen to me( if in this case, it isn't just a motion sickness pill) who is going to take responsibility for it? The police woman? The MRT personnal?? And there isn't such a need for such a rude stare, seriously. Too bad, I'm not someone to be trifled with. And it's just your misfortune to choose to stare at me, coz you've chosen the wrong person to stare at, for obvious reasons. If I've put on mascara today, the effect would have been greater. Morale of the story: 1) its understandable why we have laws on the abstinence of food on trains, but the enforcement of such a law or rule should also depend on certain circumstances. 2) civil servants should treat people with respect, law enforcement should be done in a professional manner, and not by disrespectful, rude means. How do you expect the people to feel safe in the society they are living in, to trust and respect the government if the poilce behave like gangsters? 3) stick out your tongue and show the evidence in case you need to drink on the train.

Next up, I met an American at the musuem. It started with him asking me about the explanations of the exhibits, though he could read and speak Mandarain, and yeah we started talking about politics, different countries, alcohol, sale of alcohol and tobacco..... He came to Taiwan to stufy about the farming here, and his main purpose of this trip is in fact, to study mushrooms! How interesting. He had lived in China previously for 3 years, and in Korea for 2 years. And so, we started talking and talking, for about half an hour and I had to leave, coz I haven't been to the places I intended to visit. A rather abrupt departure initiated by me. But yeah.......

2008-05-22T21:23:00.003+08:00

Right now, I can't wait to be back home. Was watching the news just now, and there was this report on the Taiwan 921 earthquake. Apparently, Taiwan has 44 分层地块, and there is a high likelihood there there will be another earthquake, how soon? I don't know because the news didn't state! :( A few weeks ago, days before the Si Chuan earthquake, my rommie was telling me she felt the effects of an earthquake around 3AM. Shucks. It's really really scary, the possibility of it happening, just that you don't know when it will strike, and you can't do anything about it. These days, there are several news on the Si Chuan earthquake, shocking, traumatising, dramatic but real kind of news ( you know how their media function here) and I was really really disturbed by some of the reports. It's simply too scary and heart wrenching. There was this man who was trapped under a rubble for 100 plus hours, and when the rescue team located him, he was still alive and able to speak. They then made a call to his wife, and over the phone, he was telling his wife that when he gets back, he hope that they would be able to live in harmony, and he would press on in the hope of returning home. But because of the difficulty in getting him out of the rubble, the rescue took several hours and stretched into the night, by the time they got him out, he had already stopped breathing. The news showed him talking to his wife, him being determined to get back home, the rescuerers trying to wake him up by calling his name many many times, in vain.

So to all of you out there, please treasure all the love that you have around you.

I love all of you :)

Zoo

2008-05-18T23:50:00.007+08:00

2008-05-17T01:06:00.003+08:00

明天，要去的地方叫做动物园。

台湾的。

或许我再也不会回去那里了。

阿明不在了你也一样。

我不想走一个人的路口。

2008-05-13T22:48:00.002+08:00

一年了

现在的我，老实说，过得还好。只是想起你的时候，心会抽痛。

不需要痛哭

不止的泪在悲哀在缅怀

来到这里算是豁出去了反正也没什么可再失去了剩下的只是躯体

学会了坚强学会了独立找到了三分之一的自己

但还是会寂寞

2008-05-12T21:59:00.003+08:00

Zening

and loving it.

2008-05-10T23:40:00.003+08:00

2008-05-08T23:46:00.000+08:00

其实，我累了。

2008-05-07T22:52:00.003+08:00

对不起，请体谅我。朋友们，不要对我有期待。
因为我还是会想起他。想念他。
这趟的出走或许让我成长了不少，人老练了，懂得保护自己，甚至变得野蛮了些。
学会珍惜已拥有的一切。家人，朋友。
但我还是有过哭泣的夜晚。害怕、寂寞、空虚。
全是因为我害怕。
害怕从此以后再也没有人能让我如此心动、如此地再爱一次。
害怕在夜里没人可以依靠
害怕醒来后还是一个人
害怕没有人能让我牵挂
害怕没有我期待的明天

2008-05-03T20:48:00.002+08:00

You know you're homesick when all you wanna do right now is just to be at home with your family.

You know you're feeling emo when you refuse to bath and rather listen to sad songs.

I realised I do miss you when I'm feeling all empty.

2008-05-02T01:03:00.002+08:00

I haven't been this full for ages. AGES. Dinner was at 7.30pm, and it's been almost 6 hours. Can't sleep. Music therapy by this ABC singer named Joanna Wong. She's good.

On children

2008-04-30T21:13:00.002+08:00

When i was young, I would get excited at every passing baby,toddler, kid ,exclaiming at how cute and adorable they are. And then, I would be labelled as someone who loves kids so much that she would want to give birth to 10 kids, enough to form a football team. If not, a 5 person basketball team.

But as I grew older, kids have gradually lose their appeal to me. Yes, they are still cute, but sometimes, they just don't know how to behave appropriately. It's definitely not their shortcoming, they just need to be taught. And afterall, kids are still kids, they are not equipped with the self-control that adults posses. Time for self reflection,do we actually? I was at the miniature museum yesterday, there was suddenly this flock of kids running about and shouting along the way, excited about getting their books stamped, rushing and competing against each other to complete the assignment that were issued to them, and it happened that it was their excursion. The teachers were busy admiring the intricate art pieces, and seemed to have not paid attention to the loud commotion created by the estactic kids. I was irritated. I mean, it's perfectly fine, in fact very good that the kids are brought to the musuem for their excursion trip, but do the teachers realise that this is a museum, and it's only common sense and basic courtesy that noises should be kept at the minimal? And what purpose does it serve if the kids are only required to run about to get their books stamped as their assignment? Wouldn't it make more sense to have someone explain to them the meaning behind the art pieces and also, the workings of the musuem?

And kids these days scare me. I actually heard this little girl, about 9 or 10, mentioned something about the rich guy being the bad guy, and that the poor guy is trying to dig an underground tunnel to steal the former's money. And i thought of classes, castes, Marxism. Wow. Another girl was explaining the design of a room to her teacher. Something about the girl is living with her boyfriend.......

I believe that how our kids turn out to be, their behaviour and thoughts, bounds down to how parents teach them, and not to forget, society at large. And that's why the idea of having kids scares me. To think that I wanted, and still( if nothing goes wrong, and I don't change my mind) want at least 3 kids in the future. It's really not easy.

2008-04-26T12:02:00.007+08:00

Jo and her Pacific Ocean

2008-04-21T16:21:00.029+08:00

This trip to Green island was really fulfiling and enlightening. Though i suffered from sea sick and puked on the boat ride, it was all worthwhile!! I get to see the Pacific Ocean, breathe it, and feel it at my finger tips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was exclaiming at the ocean so many times that my travel mate was irritated and said " You and your Pacific Ocean"

Snorkelling was really a wonderful and enjoyable experience :) Beautiful corals of different colours, shapes and sizes, colourful fishes, mysterious caves under the water, and I saw the sea bed!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's a total different world down there, so mysterious yet inviting. Quiet, serene, and mystic. Wooohooooooooo. I wanna go snorkelling again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The rest of the trip was mainly a short tour around the island. Im still very much intrigued by the beautiful terrains of the Island. Green island is a volcanic island, formed by the collision of two oceanic plates in the middle of the Pacific Ocean,which explains the curved and complex coastline. Rock intrusions of different interesting shapes and sizes ( picture above depicts a 哈巴狗 and 睡美人) are the results of the uplifting of the plates.

I'm so grateful to be able to witness the beauty of nature. Was so touched i hugged my travel mate once we reached the shore after snorkelling. I simply love the scenic part of travelling :)

My parents are arriving in an hour! I'm going to stay at their hotel till Friday!! :)

2008-04-16T21:52:00.003+08:00

At times like this, I would be thinking how nice it would be to have someone to talk to, or simply just to lend a listening ear. A certain someone. A soulmate perhaps. Someone close to my heart. Someone whom I would want to be with at the end of the day. Someone to end my day with. The reliance and unspoken support. The realisation that there's always be a certain someone waiting for me, late at night. The fact that there will always be a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold on to.

The feeling of love, and being loved.

2008-04-16T00:49:00.002+08:00

I feel so depressed. Like I'm going to die anytime. This issue has been bugging me everyday, and it only serves to remind me that I can only get it settled when I'm back home.

I WANNA EAT KUAY PENG AND HAVE A PIPING HOT CUP OF NANYANG STYLE TECH C AND KOPI NOW!!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DO YOU HEAR ME?? I WANT IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think i will die in my sleep tonight. Of home food sickness.

Bye all.

In case I turn out to be fine, be sure to bring me to food courts and hawker centres to eat when im back!!! No western/thai/jap restaurants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-04-15T22:15:00.002+08:00

Jo is tired.

Jo will be taking her mid term paper this Friday.

As usual, Jo studied hard for it. And as usual, Jo's getting saturated from the overload of information over and over again.

Seems like I've not been updating regularly. I usually keep my post short, with more pictures than words, because I believe that a picture speaks a thousand words. Somehow, my pictures are able to depict my thoughts better than my inadequate use of language.

I've been mugging for my mid term since like last week? 2 weeks ago? And also report. Well, the system here sucks I must say, change the date of exams as and when they like, well.......I shan't list out the no. of unfortunate events that I've encountered ever since I came. It's just that their administration stuffs are not standardised within the school itself and the whole country. All I can is, everything happens for a reason. Im truely grateful that I'm born in a safe, prosperous, politically, socially and economically stable country. I can now appreciate home better, way much more than before. And now, I shall proclaim my love for my country: I LOVE YOU, SINGAPORE. Do not laugh and think that Jo is such a stupid girl. You will know what I mean if you were to spend the same amount of time here as I did.

Oh man, how many times have I whine to all of you that I MISS THE FOOD BACK HOME????!!!!! I really do........... popiah, satay, prawn mee, char kway teow, hokkien mee, tau suan, teh terik, ba cau mee, pulut hitum, ice kachang, chicken rice, loh mee, yong tau foo, red ruby( hui!! i made this with you a few times for our bball ying xing hui!!) , tutu kueh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To date, my mum and dad have sent me 8 koka cup noodles, 23 packs of shan cha, a packet of super cereal drink, a can of ABALONE ( I din ask for this, my dad send it for fun and to tease me for my deed 10 years ago) And, 12 MORE cup noodles and i don't know how many more packets of san cha, and KUEH LAPIS coming nest monday..... Oh my, I sound like a spoilt brat. My parents are damn funny. When I'm at home, I will quarrel with my mum every other day and It's really scary. And then when I nag at my dad regarding his diet, he will be damn fustrated and flare up at me. And now that I'm here, they will call almost every other day, sms me every other day just to ask me " What are you doing now?" or simply to say " Good Night, love you" :)
I can't wait for mid terms to be over and then see them again! Will be bringing them around Taipei and staying with them at the hotel! :) and before that, I will away at 绿岛 snorkelling and soaking myself in the hot spring! I CAN'T WAIT FOR FRIDAY TO BE OVER!!

Hui : your last sem in NTU. It still seems like it's yesterday! And i cant believe that you will be off to Beijing so soon once I'm back :( I will visit you in Beijing with Ah Qi!!! And we must meet up more often when I'm back and before you fly off!! Oh and i nearly forgot, desmond! You can take your time to introduce me to him while im still here haha ( p/s i bought lots of thigns for you :) )

Qi: You're starting internship soon yeah? And your filming! Continue to have faith in everything you do just like the you that I've known since forever :) And im lookign forward to your wedding... in like 4 years time?! haha miss you two :)

Von: Glad that you're pulling through this so bravely :) Proud of you girl :) And don't forget that you're suppose to host me when Im back!

Suhui: Hey SU! Are you doing your honours? hope you are, coz if thats the case, then we can be in NIE together :)

Jass: Jassy jass!! I miss you! And our subway-ing! How are you getting on? Don't lose faith if things aren't looking good, continue to press on and fight all the way towards your goals! :)

Nini: NINI!! I wanna see you in your convocation robe and si fang mao! When is your convocation? Lets go kbox with jass when im back!!!!! And when are you starting work? I really miss the old times when we are both still in hall. Remember we are so sick of canteen food that we went nanyang mart to buy ingredients to make salad? And it turned out that it was way more expensive than canteen food! Hall gang must meet up when both bz and I are back. And we can go out with jass!! :)

Jo has to study agiain tomorrow. Jo will study again tomorrrow.

And Jo miss ALL OF YOU back HOME :(

高雄与垦丁之旅 4/4 -- 6/4

2008-04-09T21:36:00.035+08:00

My fellow Sigaporeans cum travelling mates. The one with the turtle shell on his back and the tall guy are photographers. Not professional ones to be exact, but they carry their SLR with them most of the time, and do take nice pictures. I swear i will get a good camera when I'm back. For more artistics shots taken by yours truely, do visit my facebook.

Jass! This is specially for you!! :)

Their MRT

I LOVE THE BRIGHT COLOURS! I think they should have it back home!

Yay!! :)

SQ, this is your "tall metal" station

巨蛋 train station

爱河

Boat Ride along 爱河之心

高雄的太阳是猛的

梦时代

Reliving my childhood. :) But it feels different without Mummy holding on to me. Just like the way I remembered it to be, looking at the picture 18 years back when we were in Tokyo Disneyland.

垦丁 is the southern most tip of Taiwan, a 3 hour bus ride from 高雄. Yes, I know some of you might be relating this place to Sentosa, but it's WAYYYY much bigger than Sentosa. And it's actually PACIFIC OCEAN that we are facing when tanning. How cool huh?! But shit. I forgot to bring some sand back. No pictures of the sea too. I was really concentrating on tanning. And im really tanned, not very dark though, but after months of winter and freaking cold weather, I'm so estatic to be back! Sun, sand , sea ( Pacific Ocean ) here i come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no idea why these pictures are so blur. Guys playing volleyball behind us. Taiwanese versus foreigners ( ang mohs and a black) I bet the Taiwanese don't know what the ang mohs were saying 80 percent of the time

The eyebags are proof of sleep deficiency. My partner in crime -- Xian Ying. She has a sweet tooth and loves desserts just like me! :)

2008-04-09T21:28:00.003+08:00

The run today was terrible. Not that the muscles ache, not that the knee is failing me. Simply because my stamina has dropped to such a pathetic level that I'm terribly sad and ashamed :((((
Haven't been feeling well since i came back from the trip. Heachache, insomnia, too much snacking... I MUST TRAIN UP! Well, these past two months of travelling, walking, climbing has certainly put a strain on my already half dead knee. To the extent that i can feel it protesting after prolonged periods of walking.

I don't ever believe in the theory that with sufficient rest ( that means no running, no climbing) the knee will naturally recover. No matter how much time given, what's lost is lost ( the cartilage) and so, there's no use in resting and not doing the things that I wanna do. So I might as wel run while i still can. :)

2008-04-08T00:06:00.002+08:00

Hi girls, Im back :)

Good trip, especially the one to 垦丁, i get to tan and im really tanned. Lots of people at the beach, loads I would say. It's flooded with ang mohs looking for some fleshy fun and trying very hard to get tanned, BLPG ( bin lang party girls), 台妹 with hot bods, families, tourists, and exchange students like us. The sun was really strong, and im happy to get real dark, i've been too fair and i really really miss the sun back home! :( haiz...this trip has made me more homesick. Though im travelling with fellow Singaporeans, the familarity and comfort haven't been ablee to surpass my immense craving for popiah, char siew bao, prata, teh tarik, satay, lor mee, chicken rice, bar cho mee, sugarcane juice, bean curd, subway... and of course, my family and you girls back home.

A friend did a personality analysis for me, she's majoring in Psychology by the way. She referred to me as a kitten ( wah lao i hate cats), who yearns to venture out and explore, but is afraid of the uncertainties that lies ahead, and is too comfy in her comfort zone. And yet she has this strong desire to venture, explore and experience new stuffs. Quite true i would say. But I'm starting to enjoy going out on my own, visiting sites and musuems. Just not out of Taipei alone.
I think this is an important period for me, in search for a sense of self, the true me, the raw, unprocessed person I am. It's important for everyone liek what SQ said. Moving on to a new phase inlife but not forgetting the days of innocence.

This trip to Taiwan is really a turning point. Make or break. Evoking thoughts and emotions. Making decisions. Training up my PR skills, being tactful, and yet not forgetting who I am, searching and keeping my sense of self, staying grounded.

I miss all of you!!

Love
Jo

2008-04-03T21:41:00.004+08:00

My dear girls

Im setting off to Gao Xiong in half an hour. Hope all of you are well and fine :) Getting emo these days. Must be the depressing weather.

I like exploring Taipei alone. I enjoy my own private time. Alone time doesn't put me off like how it used to. But i do think a lot, especially when it comes to taking pictures, thinking about how things work, looking at people, observing the workings of the city...... And when im back in my room, I will think about him. What's he doing now? How's he getting on? Is he attached? He travelled.... to places that we once planned to travel to together.

Someone asked me if i bother to speak to him again, or simply to find out how's he doing. Truth is, I do, but in a discreet manner. But i proudly declare that I don't. Simply because that he wasn't the same person that i loved and there isn't a point to find out. But, did I ever tell you that it's for fear of being hurt again? It will only serve as reminder to me that the person i love is dead. Gone.

For now, Im still not ready to declare that Im grateful that he was once an important part of my life. However I'm somewhat proud of my ability to love. But not anymore.

Love
Jo

信仰

2008-04-02T15:38:00.018+08:00

你的信仰又是什么呢?

2008-04-01T23:26:00.002+08:00

其实也不知道该如何形容现在的心境。自由、空旷、又有点寂寞。

不被占据的天空依然是美好的，但还是渴望着一个依赖的来源，情感的寄托。

无边无际的天空、海洋很美，却很不踏实。

豁然开朗后，还是想要个肩膀依靠。

或许，根本都没领悟。

2008-03-30T23:18:00.002+08:00

Went to Yang Ming Shan yesterday and climbed the highest peak in Taipei. It was fun but it killed my old knee. Refer to my facebook for more photos. I like mountain climbing, except for the knee part.

Im craving for more time alone, not that I'm anti social, but i need my own time alone to think about things, going to places that I want to visit, take pictures, or simply to be alone.

And yeah, I realised that he has been such a huge part of my life. Even now, though its getting lesser.

Zen Time

2008-03-28T22:18:00.022+08:00

Take a break, have a cup of tea.

长长的路上

他在等谁

In peace and harmony

婚姻，只不过是人生的另一个阶段

冥想

岁月的交叠

携手

蒋介石

这些人，是台湾人。在这片土地上，捍卫着国家的称号。

自由广场，太过自由了

XXX

In search of the taste closest to home.

Not enough butter, not enough kaya

No dark soya sauce, only light one. Toast not crispy and charred.

After walking for 45 mins, Im finally home. Im not complaining, despite the obvious lack in standard as compared to the one back home. Im still going back :)

Look at the rows and shelves of milk! :)

2008-03-28T00:20:00.005+08:00

I want to be simple. But I can't.

I mishandle relationships without knowing it, but I really treasure and value it.

2008-03-24T23:37:00.004+08:00

WAH LAO. I MISS POPIAH.

AND CAN THEY DON'T TAKE SO LONG TO DECIDE WHICH HOSTEL TO BOOK???????!!!!!!!.

BY THE TIME THEY MAKE UP THEIR MIND, NO TRAIN TIX AND ROOMS LIAO LO....

I NEED TIME ALONE. TO DO THE STUFFS THAT I WANT TO DO AND DON'T HAVE TO ACCOMODATE EVERYONE.

I MISS POPIAH. YA KUN. CHICKEN RICE. CHAR KWAY TEOW. HOKKIEN MEE. CHAR SIEW RICE.CHAR SIEW BAO.AARRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2008-03-21T11:23:00.027+08:00

Introducing the new man in my life. I think it would be better to ignore where my hand is pointing at....ops!! haha

My new boyfriend. I think.....he's just so MAN. I want someone like him as my future husband. Strong, man, and reliable.

The blue gang rallying.

The urban look.

The Edge

The blue cutie

The tree with huge orange flowers

Nex stop: An eatery named " fang nu ban" ( the not-so-good class) I don't know why blogger doesn't allow me to type in Chinese.

2008-03-18T13:34:00.007+08:00

这些景色感觉上反映了现在的我。有点空旷、不只所错。但无所谓，还是美好的。

2008-03-16T23:07:00.009+08:00

有气势？你应该还蛮寂寞的吧？

摇摇欲坠

我真的喜欢这个。

厄杀美景的污点。还蛮好的。

高高在上，不知道要到哪里。

白须须

纵横交错。

台湾最小的岛。其实也没那么孤寂，很多人都想一睹它的娇美。可能也是寂寞的不吧。

不怎么喜欢看海。因为它无边无际。

在车上拍的。喜欢自然的布景，搭上人工的虚伪。

2008-03-12T20:09:00.002+08:00

Perhaps I don't have to seek understanding for posting such emo posts. Because, let me tell you, I really am not what i may seem to be. Not the happy-go-lucky jo, not the jovial jo, not the smilely jo. Or at least, It's not who I really am. I don't even know who i really am. I have deep thoughts within, thoughts that I don't tell people, not even close friends. I feel that I'm very much in my own world, and I'm lonely at times. I yearn for someone whom i can convey my thoughts to, to relate my emotions to. I wasn't like this, at least not before that thing happened. I was really simple, naive, stupid, jovial, happy. But for the past year, I've changed in a way that I couldn't quite figure out if i like it or not. I've learnt, but Im not sure if I will be able to refrain from my mistakes again. I feel so tired, so worn out, and old. Im not the simple minded girl I used to be. I think a alot, I'm skeptical, I doubt, I question, and yet, I often don't have the answer.

Identity crisis.

2008-03-10T20:52:00.002+08:00

昨天去了日月潭。晒了不少的太阳，吹了很多的冷风。

听了很多首被重复的歌，看了很多醉人的风景。

也想起了你，以及我们很多过了期的回忆。

发现，多壮观的景色，多广阔的草原，多漂亮的海岸线，还是想要心爱的人陪在身边，一起分享生命的这一刻。

旅行的意义，也就如此。

2008-03-10T18:09:00.000+08:00

I hate to be sick. It makes me emotionally vulnerable all over again.

2008-03-05T23:55:00.002+08:00

时间与距离不见得是淡化回忆的催化剂

恋

就这样遗留着溜达溜达

也不需要什么了

或许有一天就或许再次过那条路再次从左到右再次让心跳加速

再一次的第一次

2008-03-05T11:47:00.002+08:00

Here comes Bob

2008-03-05T00:35:00.004+08:00

I cut my hair again. Not that i cut it myself, but this pro and experienced hairstylist did it for me. I like it! ：） I shall stick with short hair for the rest of my life, because that's who I really am. And he took some pictures ( not these) of me to post it on his blog. Apparently, every hairstylist have their own blog to showcase their masterpieces, I guess it works like a portfolio. And did i mention, cut plus washis only NT 300 ====> less than S$15!

2008-02-28T21:35:00.012+08:00

Hi dear friends! Here's a little update, to keep me grounded to home and to let you have a glimpse of my life in Taiwan :)

Yes, i brought 猪猪 along, no matter how many bags or bed protector I have to sacrifice..

Wow I've never slept on the upper deck! Neither the lower one! Haha. I quite like it, the privacy...

All things familar

Top: tissue, umbrella, oranges,medicine box, some balls to spin in the washing machine, plastic bag, laptop cover

Second row: water bottle, redoxen, accessories, contacts solution, body lotion, hand lotion, eye patch, skincare, cosmetics, dictionary, notebooks

Desk: photos and more photos.

My rommie's! She's rom Russia and she's really nice and friendly! Thoughtful also! And a clean freak! Im so lucky and grateful :)

My side of the room!

These are not the main means of tranportation in school. Did i mention they are the bicycles?! It's a mini PRC in school everyday, with swaps of bicycles ready to attack, coming in all directions at alarming speeds and they all freaking don't ring their bells when it's clear that they are knocking into you if your "fight or flight mode" isn't activated?! I was so fustrated, i shouted" Hello! Im here!"

The junction at the main gate.

This is Xingwen. Im glad I have someone to talk to when im down.The only nice toilet in Taipei. I need to shed some weight. Not that I'm complaining, but do you know that in Taiwan, you are not allowed to throw the used toilet paper ( yes, which means it's either stained with urine or shit) into the toilet bowl to be flushed away, but throw them into a bin next to the toilet bowl,because they are afraid that their sewage might be clogged. And so, some toilet stinks, like the one just outside my room. I think they should change their flushing system to a stronger one so that they would be able to save on the extra manpower cost of hiring someone to clear the used toilet paper everyday,and to spare the poor cleaning auntie from the stench. .

Yup, that's all fo now. I must really say I miss my family and of course all you girlfriends :)

And last but not least, Hui, I really hope THIS is your happiness. May you be blessed with love! :)

2008-02-28T02:47:00.000+08:00

I got food poisoning from this.

2008-02-26T23:28:00.002+08:00

突然间很难过很难过很难过

总有你

洞深不见底

痛

我真的好痛。

2008-02-24T10:24:00.018+08:00

Hey all! Im fine already, don't worry. Like what my chen-shui-bian-alike prof said, I think we are borught up in too clean an environment that little specks of dust will make us sick.

So, we went to Taipei 101 yesterday, braving through the chilly winds and irritating drizzle, and wow, the way to 101 really reminds me of Suntec! :) Anyway, it was drizzling quite a bit and so, i didn't take pictures of 101 :( Trust me, be grateful of the weather in Singapore. Well, we shopped around the first 4 levels of the building, and it's really like Paragon, flanked by upscale and branded stores. Being the thrifty person I am, well, also because I don't believe in splurging before I get to earn my own keep ( though im sort of semi financially independent), I only look see look see while my friend bought a S$350 Agnes B bag. I saw an orange bag that I quite like, its's orangy and chic! But well, it cost a whopping $ 500!!. I was telling them i won't even consider buying before i become a tai tai or am already working.

We went to new york new york afterwards, which is just a bridge away from Taipei 101, like Suntec and Marina!! There wasn't much stuffs to see, the clothes in Taiwan just aren't our style. They have their own mix-and-match-you'll-never-go-wrong style.

We then took the train to this station, which i forgot what it is and headed to Ding Tai Feng for dinner. Refer to pics above :) $12.30 per person for 4 dishes! It's cheap!

Emo

2008-02-21T18:19:00.003+08:00

Being sick sucks. Being sick in a foreign land, having spent the whole day alone in the room sucks to the core. It doesn't help that i see people blogging about vday when im net surfing to take my mind off the illness. i have food poisoning, from this korean eatery near the school. And i didn't sleep the night before, rushing to the toilet to puke, and getting ready to puke anytime in the bed with a plastic bag.

I miss you guys, mummy and papa. And can i say, i miss you too?

2008-02-18T11:20:00.011+08:00

On the way to the airport

Hey all!! I've been here for 5 days! Sorry for not updating, simply too busy with admin stuffs and shopping for neccessities :)

It's really cold when we first arrived in Taipei, they are experiencing 寒流, it should be ending soon, since I get to see the sun a bit more with each passing day, but I heard there's gonna be another wave of 寒流 in March. Oh man, I MISS SUNNY SINGAPORE, to you friends out there, treasure and embrace the sun!!! I was so unprepared for the weather, I went to buy a winter coat on my second day.

School starts on Wednesday, and i have a three day week!!! :) We arrived days before our first lesson so we have explored Taipei a little, the area around school, xi men ding, zhong zheng ji nian tang,Ikea!,the bank, the city......

Oh my rommie is from Russia, she's nice and she likes to club! Haha but nah, i won't go clubbing here, only pubbing. Well, I've brought over photos to paste on my wall to 解乡愁， and now my part of the room is homely enough for me :) oh yeah, im damn lucky! my rommie is a fellow clean freak like me!!! Im so glad! :)

Oh did i mention , surprisingly, I don't miss home? Not that I don't miss my parents, my room, the pool , the gym, the cosy living room, but im not exactly homesick (yet) .Hehe, let's wait and see.

How are you guys getting on? Im online most of the time so talk to me!! :)

Ok till then! Bye! :)

k h

2008-02-17T18:37:00.000+08:00

2008-02-09T09:57:00.000+08:00

I can't believe im leaving.

Feel so unprepared, yet waiting for days and months.

Oh no, am i suppose to zap copies of my documents??!? but what documents!!?!

2008-02-04T15:32:00.000+08:00

Im really fucking sad. I hate to be there to witness it when they quarrel. I hate to know things that i don't want to know. I just hate it. And i hate it, i really fucking hate it when im missing you all over again.

2008-01-28T22:12:00.000+08:00

I dreamt of you, us last night. I dreamt the dream that i've been secretly hoping for so damn long. In fact, it wasn't the first. But this time round, it was so real. Like REAL. And i truely felt so blessed, in my dream. But after a while, you were the same. The same. Nothing has changed.

There are so much things that i wanna tell you, so much feelings, emotions, thoughts that i just wanna blast out to you. But I know you will never be here to listen. Coz the person whom i love so dearly has died, a long time ago. And i wished I was dead too.

2008-01-19T16:07:00.000+08:00

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?
Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

2008-01-14T10:01:00.000+08:00

Dear guys and gals! Lets meet up before i leave on valentine's ok!!!! Though its only a 5 month trip, but im already so excited!! Admist the stupid and ever changing subject matching, the yet to be settled accomodation, the endless procedures, im still looking forward to my 5 months of freedom!

Maybe this is the start of my new life. My happiness of my 21st was short lived. And then looking back, i realised that i've totally wasted that year of my life. Maybe not totally, but yeah, it wasn't a good year and probably, one that i wouldn't want to remember. So, i shall be reborned on my 22nd. :)

And of course, i need tangible and intangible stuffs to set off the spark of my 22nd!!

1.Health and happiness for my family and all my friends

2.Good grades

3.Fabuluous FYP

4. A wonderful experience in Taiwan

Hei hei...here comes the important part.... please take note guys and gals...

1. Camera!!!!!!!

2. Make up set from ettusais ( foundatin/ loose powder,blusher)

3. A nice bag that fits A4!

4. Scarfs

5. More clothes! t shirts, tops, dresses

That's all for now i guess :)

2008-01-13T09:47:00.000+08:00

W H O . W A S . T H E. L A S T . P E R S O N

1. You hung out with?: My mum
2. Saw you cry: Doesn't have to be a person right...
3. Went to the movies with you?: Lust, caution with Jass
4. You went to the mall with?: Erm, my mum.
5. You went to dinner with?: wah i can't remember. Lunches maybe?
6. You talked on the phone to?: Hui
7. Said ‘I love you’ to you and really meant it: Him
8. Made you laugh?: No one

W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? Nose
2. Be serious or be funny? Funny
3. Drink whole or skim milk? Whole of course!
4. Spend time with your parents or enemies? Parents.

D O . Y O U . P R E F E R.
1. Flowers or candy? Candy. Flowers bring back nightmares
2. Gray or black? Gray
3. Color or Black and white photos? Colour. At lest it makes me feel better
4. Lust or love? I'd rather not have both if they don't exist together
5. Sunrise or sunset? None
6. M and Ms or Skittles? M&Ms.
8. Staying up late or waking up early? waking up early. Im the early bird!
9. Sun or moon? Sun would be better!
10. Winter or Fall? Winter is depressing, so does fall! When the leaves are falling and the weather's chilly
11. Left or right?: right
12. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends?: how about 10 best friends?
13. Sunny or rainy?: Sunny of course
14. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream: Dark chocolate ice cream

A B O U T . Y O U
1. What time is it?: 9.56am
2. Nickname(s): jo, joriah, mojojojo
3. What is your birth date?: 22th jan
4. What do you want?: A strong sense of self. A stronger me to brave through the storms.
5. Where do you want to live?: Anywhere so long as i have my partner with me ( if there is going to be one)
6. How many kids do you want?: As many as possible.
7. You want to get married? Highly likely....if there's someone who loves me truely and whom i trust

U N I Q U E
1. Nervous habit: Being jittery
2. Are you double jointed?: No
3. Can you roll your tongue?: No
4. Can you raise one eyebrow?: Nope!
5. Can you cross your eyes?: Of course. And the effect's pretty good with my big eyes
6. Do you make your bed daily?: Yup, almost
7. Can you draw? Yes! My pieces often got displayed! but that was when i was 7

R A N D O M
1. Which shoe goes on first? Right.
2. Ever thrown a shoe at someone? Nope. I rather punch.
3. What is your craziest experience ever? Writing in to the paper to confess to a guy back in Sec sch

F O O D
1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl
2. Have you ever eaten spam? Yup...but its unhealthy.
3. Favorite ice cream: Moo ice cream
4. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet? I have none.
5. What’s your favorite beverage? Tea!
6. Do you cook? Yup.

IN . T H E . L A S T . M O N T H . H A V E . Y O U ?
1. Bought something: Yes of course
2. Sang: Iin the bathroom
3. Been hugged: Yup Yup!
4. Felt stupid: Yeah..some sort. When im swayed by the opinions of others
5. Missed someone: Yup
Danced crazy: OH...I SHOULD DO THAT BEFORE I LEAVE FOR TAIWAN!! clubbing!!!!
7. Gotten your hair cut: Nope. I want a new hair style!!
8. Cried on Christmas Day: Yes of course. I even drank.
9. Lied: Who doesn't?!

The End

2008-01-02T10:16:00.000+08:00

Why can't they stop fighting???? They just failed to look at things from each other's perspective, they do not communicate. They just suck the blood, tears, fears, lives out of each other. Im disappointed, scared. I feel so alone.

2008-01-01T17:03:00.000+08:00

What a year it has been. I spent three quarters of my 21st in pain, misery, self doubt, insecureness, hatred, anger, confusion and what not. I've not emerged as a stronger jo. But a numb jo. And a jo who never cried so much in her life before. Im still afraid, i don't know what shit lies ahead. I just pray for a peaceful year.

And yeah, i got it. So i will be in Taiwan for 5 months. Good, i suppose.

Start anew? I don't know how to. I feel real old.

Finally, i will be travelling, without you. Im ready to embark on the journey, afterall, i've got nothing to lose.

Farewell :)

2007-12-26T10:17:00.000+08:00

I feel like shit. i'm just trying to keep my sanity.

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

2007-12-16T13:59:00.000+08:00

好多事情，我们都希望只是个恶梦。

不能重来。

我曾经说过，爱一个人，一生只有一次。

现在我要说，留给值得你爱的人。

2007-12-07T16:47:00.000+08:00

My purchases:

skinny jeans $36

top $ 18

dress (times 3) $ 92

necklace $5--------> super cheap!!

bangles ( times 3) $6------> super cheap!!

hair cut plus dye plus treatment $62

shit..................i need a job. But im lazy to work!!!

Any lobangs????????

2007-12-05T21:30:00.000+08:00

Engulfed in thoughts and emotions.

Museum was great. I really enjoy the solo trip. Thereby, i proved to be capable of doing things and going to places alone. Not that i have to prove to anyone or myself, i always knew that i am independent. Yes, i am. But when it comes to simply the emotional aspects of a human being, im dependent. Who isn't? Admist the solace and peace of being alone, i really yearn for someone to talk to, to share my thoughts with, to relate to. Too bad, humans are just programmed this way, its this that makes us humane afterall. She said that too, and i totally agree, with a hint of sadness and unwillingness.

Movie was the killer of the day. I couldn't take my mind off the movie. It provoked such deep thoughts in me that i myself wouldn't have expected. Perhaps she really loved him, perhaps he did too. But they did not fell in love with each other, but with the person whom shares the same predicament, in the midst of their fears and insecurities.

And well, i managed not to drink again, though i really wanted to.

It's all coming back to me. Waves of invasion. I really am not sure how to go about dealing with it. I just can't seem to take my mind off things. The more i read, the more i keep myself occupied, it just keeps coming back. And now im really afraid that i may end up where i was at the very beginning.

I woke up today and looked into the mirror. And i saw the track of a dried tear stain from the corner of the eye right down tot he ear. And i thought " Oh, i cried last night?" Amazingly, i don't remember crying before i went to sleep. But i knew i was sad.

2007-12-04T10:01:00.000+08:00

This is bad, real bad.

Just when im getting all excited and prepared to embark on my solo journey to the museums, im feeling giddy and breathless. Shit. Im old. Or is there something wrong with my body????

Just pray that i won't faint halfway or my knees won't give way.

My mum came back from a walk by the reservoir with a SWOLLEN knee. Yes, im getting all jittery, maybe it's a sign. It just runs in the family. Damn it. I better walk, run, jump all i can before i can't.

Bye bye!! My solo journey begins!! :)

2007-12-02T19:22:00.000+08:00

I used to look forward to the weekends. And now, i dread it.

I loved saturday nights. But these days, it's swept by waves of empitness.

I used to like the no. 22 a lot, a whole damn lot. But i dread the coming 22nd, every coming 22nd. And the one next year.

Now, tell me how. How???????

I think i need to arrange my next appointment. Im such a leech.

2007-11-28T22:53:00.000+08:00

城市里每个人都是挫败的受害者，却同时是伤害他人的恐怖分子。在都会文化中，仿佛有一份让人与人间，充满挫败的可能性，有目标的，无目标的，皆在有意无意间在行为上伤害朋友甚至陌生人。

------ 这是人的问题，不是都会的问题

2007-11-25T22:57:00.000+08:00

I wanna

Cut and colour my hair ( what colour?? Black is the new brown, but i think i look old and boring with black hair)

Watch lust caution ALONE. Yes, so please, stop asking me to watch with you. Though i don't think you will read this.

Sit in a cafe and write poetry, pondering over life. The magics and tragics of the the big word, LIFE.

Read " Where is God when it hurts?"
Read Jane Austen

Watch lots of deep deep movies. Movies that depict the sadness of love and life, so i can cry all i want. Movies that potray a much more idealistic world than the real one out here, so that i can mock and laugh at the silliness of cultural capitalism.

Cleanse my thoughts, and walk out of jail.

2007-11-24T00:53:00.000+08:00

Just in case i die in my sleep, just wanna let you know that I love you.

I swear there's a snake hiding on the rooftop.

2007-11-22T18:29:00.001+08:00

It's getting back. Shit.

Im feeling cold all over, and i sense yet another cycle of invasion.

Why do all these have to come back?? I wanna give the heart, the mind a tight slap, a sturdy punch to stop all these.

Shit. I dun wanna sink.

2007-11-16T18:04:00.000+08:00

事与愿违。

Wanted to run, but as i was anticipating the clock to strike 615, i realised im feverish.

Damn sian.

2007-11-16T00:09:00.000+08:00

Im still grieving afterall, for what seems like an eternity.

Talking to her has helped me gained an insight, thoughts which are hidden in the subconcious mind has suddenly surfaced and make some sense.

Allow yourself to heal. It's ok to grieve, its fine to grieve, but don't dwell. Humans are imperfect, there is no perfect love, only conditional and unconditional love. Friends, true friends give unconditional love. Be receptive of this love. What good things do we see when love dies? Relief. Relieve, release from the painful suffering of a lifeless, loveless relationship. Learning that its not meant to be, and that it's over. Relieve that it's hurting now, for the hurt may be so much more painful and unbearable if love dies, and the relationship goes on.

When and how can i end the grieving and take a leap towards healing? Felt like i've been running on the treadmil for 8 months, covering distances but no displacement. With gallons of sweat dripping and evaporating and dripping and evaporating and dripping and evaporating.....

2007-11-15T00:02:00.000+08:00

It doesn't take much effort to truely appreciate life.

Knowing that there are friends out there who care for you, no matter how distant they seem to be.

The gift of a neatly wrapped book in morning, with a note that says it all :)

Meals with company.

Shopping, reading, swimming and running after exams.

Being a taiwan student thereafter.

And yeah, having someone to spend your life and love with.

FAITH.

2007-11-13T11:26:00.000+08:00

好想念好想念那时的关怀、那时的呵护、那时的被爱。

这样有错吗？我不知道。要理智、必须理智。但，心始终都无法得到慰籍。

我非常清楚不可能了。也不会再有了。

但却无法毁灭欲望。

这就是我的问题、我的执著、我的毒药。

何尝不把自己也毁了。这就是解药。

2007-11-09T02:58:00.000+08:00

Im like the heart, a little child.

Im the mind, the adult.

Don't admonish the heart, listen to her speak about her wants and needs, but don't ever judge.

Understand her wants and needs.

Guide her into achieving real wants, and fulfiling real needs.

Have you ever listened to your heart without reprimanding her? Have you ever truely listened to your heart when you have not been doing so without ever realising it? Have you been letting your mind do what's she suppose to do at certain point of time? Its ok to fail. We're humans afterall.

For you may realise, the mind and heart are non-existent. Its we who are living the real life.

:(

2007-11-06T17:06:00.000+08:00

The painkillers are making me nauseous and drowsy. And my arm is aching from the jab :(

I want a hug :(

2007-11-05T23:41:00.000+08:00

I had the most traumatising ( and ridiculous) accident today. In short, i bang my head against the wall, and saw the largest amount of blood coming from myself.( apart from the girl's monthly thing)

And so, ive got great friends who rushed down from school and drove me to NUH A&E Dept. Managed to escape a jab and stitches, had glue to cover up my wound instead. Yes GLUE. I love you. You saved my life. Oh i had a jab, just in case of an infection.

Maybe i've emerged from this accident as a stronger person. ( without the stitched and anesthesia, that is)

Everything happens for a reason, don't they?

2007-11-03T20:25:00.001+08:00

I wished i've seeked help earlier, and now i can't wait to see her. But im afraid its going to be yet another futile attempt. Can even anyone help me when im not even helping myself??

For these past months, ive been wanting to scream at everyone's face, not that i don't appreciate your effort, not that i don't treasure your help and advices, but " why don't you just just stop telling me to forget him???!! because the fucking truth is i love him a whole damn lot to not even not think about him, let alone to forget him." No offense, but yeah, im just speaking my mind. And yeah, i don't blame all of you. Afterall, you're not me.

Each day, for moments of the day, for moments in the night, there are bound to be invasions of memories. And they all never fail to tear my heart apart, reduce me to a pathetic crying state that i myself hate. Do you enjoy long train rides with him, even though it meant parting at the reach of the destination? I did, and i truely appreciate his thoughtfulness of staying with me till the train reached the east, even though he could have alighted 10 minutes from the start of the journey. And i really really love holding his jaw, supporting his head as he was nodding away in his sleep, all in hope not to aggrevate his neck pain. I simply adore tucking him to bed, and watching him drift to sleep peacefully like a little boy. I love calling him a fool. I love the way his lips moved when he speaks. I love the old ah pek singlet that he wore all so often. I miss the unique scent of his clothes. I miss the the distraught look on his face when he has just woken up. I miss him calling me dear dear. And i simply miss those days.

Can anyone ever understand. No. Not even if you've experienced the same thing. Coz its just way too much of a personal experience.

Nothing can explain this love. Just like i don't even know where im right now.

2007-11-01T23:04:00.000+08:00

Some actions are just totally uncalled for. I don't have to look through your pictures to retrieve that poor, pathetic, no longer existence image of you. But i just want to. And look who's hurting now. I want to live a happy life, happier than yours, as carefree as you. But hey look, sometimes trying too hard just proves that you are a total loser. you dump, you are the one being dumped. How can you possibly be better off than him? I hate myself for still holding on to the past, you. If i had the courage to expose myself to yet another storm of sadness and aching pain, why wouldn't i just delete you from my life once and for all. It's just so hard. If only i can be better off than you.

I feel you because i want to .

2007-11-01T19:05:00.001+08:00

Seeing people busking in happiness makes me happy for them. And it also makes me wonder, will i ever be able to be as happy as them? Will there just be a day, a person to fill this empitiness, to eliminate this lonliness in me?

Maybe no one but myself. And HIM. Maybe.

Saw beautiful tiny flowers , woodpecker, and a happy, blissful couple on my way back from dinner. Its a gift to witness the beauty of life, and maybe, someday, someone will get to witness the beauty of my life :)

2007-10-30T21:14:00.000+08:00

I just ended my 6 to 830 lesson. Presentations followed by presentations......... and there's a quiz tomorrow...plus tutorial till 730.

Wanted to relax and get out of school after the quiz...but as usual, things don't go according to plan.

I think i will go see the counselor tomorrow. It's time.

puking post

2007-10-25T21:17:00.000+08:00

Pardon me, i need to vomit out everything here.

Im really drained. To the point that coffee and tea doesn't help anymore. Even if it does, im distracted every 5 mins. I just feel like throwing everything out of the window, and myself out of the window. Im not depressed im not mad im just tired. I long for quiet walks in the nights, maybe i will go for one later. Oh man, it reminds me of those times, quiet walks. His sweet gesture of driving to my house and buying me moo ice cream just to cheer me up after a horrible quarrel with my mum and brother. The memories, particularly this one, just twitches my heart.

and he just bothers me so much with his nick.I know i shouldn't feel this way, but it just irritates the hell out of me. YES, i know you're having the hell of your time enjoying your freedom and being a flirt as u claimed to be. but what the fuck. like what the fuck. and the thought of her just makes me sick, the thought of the possiblity of two fucked up ppl being together is more than enough for me to puke my inestines out. shit. lets not harp on it.

Im feeling sad for popo. Knee operation twice in a row. I so can foresee myself years down the road.

Im really hoping to materalize my dream of travelling. Not just alone, but with the one. Isn't is such a beautiful thing to travel with the one, to share your thoughts, your joy, your anger, your fustrations with along the way.... is there really someone out there who truely loves me, whom we can both share our love with, and spend the moments of our lives as one? Does he exists? What if God has other plans for me? Like i won't get married, there won't be a " the one" for me?

I've given this a thought: if there really isn't someone who truely loves me for the way i am, whom wants to share the love, then its better to be alone.

2007-10-24T21:30:00.000+08:00

Truthfully, i don't even know my honest answer to your question. I can't differentiate between missing him and missing the mere existence of a company. Im ok, i know. But am i really what i perceive myself to be??? I don't know anymore. Im still more or less the same jo in sch, in everywhere, but when im alone, i tear and cry at the slightest thought. For all i know, he might be living the high life, with another person. I know i shouldnt cry over someone who doesnt stay, who is totally out of my life, who strikes me out of his life. so why am i still crying.........blame the memories. and him.

2007-10-24T19:17:00.000+08:00

“有多久没见你，原来就住在我心里”

“过去就让它过去”

这是我能对自己说的。只好这样，也必须这样。

2007-10-21T09:36:00.001+08:00

Im drowning in work. Yet the defiance to stop doing what im doing and suppose to be doing did not really come about. Maybe it did, but i was never satisfied.

Its really about the contradictions and internal struggle.

All is insignificant. Can't wait for this to end.

2007-10-20T21:39:00.001+08:00

Hi blog! :)