Hey guys! Sorry for the lack of updates! Today will most probably be the most relaxing day for the past month. Im putting down fyp for the moment and am goign to spend the afternoon baking cheesecake!!!!! And oh my, I think ive been neglecting my family quite abit. Even though im home 80 percent of the time, Im usually locked up in the room studying or doing fyp. :(

I miss dear ahwan!!!! am going to buy you FOOD FOOD and more FOOD when i go ntuc later :) and ah qi is still as funny and un-ladylike as usual... and my gals!! i had a great time talking to all of you the other night! we should meet up more often!!! :)

Hello my gals and DA MAN :)

It's been a busy busy school term.... stressed over FYP, busy over endless presentations and reports, fretting over the lack of time for mugging before exams.....AARRGHHHH... I wanna be a farmer, a milkmaid. Milk the cows all day with endless supply of fresh milk, and cheese to bake cheesecake for da man.... waking up to the fresh dewy scent of the grassland just outside my country style furnished house....sipping tea and eating muffins, slow dance to jim reeves..........

As contradictory as it may sound, I think i will miss life as a student when I start working ( as a teacher) No more free weekdays, no more friday morning badminton session :(

Oh man, tell me tell me, tell me if i should spend the whole day and night with da man on friday or should I forgo the morning badminton and study till 3pm before meeting da man?

Love and no kisses
Jo

It's not easy, but we will keep it going

到老都要牵着你的手

:)

At the rate I'm going, my degree is gonna increase, increase and increase, and my eyes are gonna be smaller and smaller, and smaller........

Interview was great, nice editor, nice people, nice chinese educated uncles. If only I have passion like theirs. If only. It's tough, in such result-oriented circumstances.

And I'm tired. Exhuasted. I need a break. Lets mambo. Even if there's only me and you, qi.

I need sports. I need to go trekking, walking, play badminton, whatever. To truely exhaust and recharge.

Everthing seems so peaceful, yet so chaotic. Contradictory. Well, it's me.

I've recently found solace in this book that DK lent me. " OPENING THE DOOR OF YOUR HEART " by Ajahn Brahm, a monk from Western Australia. My trips to NUS and NTU have been much more fruitful than the research materials I found in the library, all thanks to the religious reading Ive been doing on the train. Here are some of the phrases and parts of the stories that are all so true and simple, not at all profound, but we being complicated beings, just don't see it. Be open minded, and most importantly, be at peace with yourself and all things around you before you proceed to read. Then you WILL see it.

On critical problems and their compassionate solutions:

"When we have to make a decision and are unsure what the decision should be, we need to pull over to the side, have a look and wait. Soon, usually when we are not expecting it, a solution will come. Every solution has it's own destination. If that destination suits us, then we take that solution. If not, we wait. There's always another solution coming behind."

"How much time do we waste in our lives worrying about things that, at that time, have no solution, so aren't a problem? "

"When there's nothing to do, then do nothing. "

"Even in dire situations, there is always some honey dripping from somewhere. If we are wise, we will put out our tongue and enjoy some of that honey. Why not? When there's nothing to do, then do nothing, and enjoy some of life's honey. So why waste the moments of honey, even in the most desperate of troubles. The future is uncertain. We never can be sure of what's coming next."

On Fear

"The possibilities for the future are infinite. When we focus on the unfortunate possiblities,that's called fear. When we remember the other possibilities, which are usually more likely, that's called freedom from fear."

"Fear is finding fault with the future. If only we could keep in mind how uncertain our future is, then we would never try to predict what could go wrong. Fear ends right there."

"Fear is the major ingredient of pain. It is what makes pain hurt. Take away the fear and only feeling is left."

I seriously have no freaking idea what's wrong with myself. I like to plan and think too much for my own good, so much so that it affects people around me. I feel bad, and most of all, SELFISH. The need to think, to plan ahead bounds down to the fact that I'm simply an emotional, insecure freak. And I guess no one can ever help me. Maybe not even myself. I'm trying to take a step back, just take many many steps back and look at the whole situation with a more relaxed attitude. Or can someone just simply remove the neurons or whatever in me that is responsible for this irritating behaviour of mine?

I wanna escape. Alone.

I can't help but to feel this way. Uncertain and fear.

Focusing too much on the future spoils the fun of the moment. And the importance of the present. But I'm just afraid. Afraid that there wouldn't be a future.

I don't mean to exert pressure, but i did anyway.