I feel like shit. i'm just trying to keep my sanity.
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT
Wednesday 26 December 2007
Sunday 16 December 2007
Friday 7 December 2007
Wednesday 5 December 2007
Engulfed in thoughts and emotions.
Museum was great. I really enjoy the solo trip. Thereby, i proved to be capable of doing things and going to places alone. Not that i have to prove to anyone or myself, i always knew that i am independent. Yes, i am. But when it comes to simply the emotional aspects of a human being, im dependent. Who isn't? Admist the solace and peace of being alone, i really yearn for someone to talk to, to share my thoughts with, to relate to. Too bad, humans are just programmed this way, its this that makes us humane afterall. She said that too, and i totally agree, with a hint of sadness and unwillingness.
Movie was the killer of the day. I couldn't take my mind off the movie. It provoked such deep thoughts in me that i myself wouldn't have expected. Perhaps she really loved him, perhaps he did too. But they did not fell in love with each other, but with the person whom shares the same predicament, in the midst of their fears and insecurities.
And well, i managed not to drink again, though i really wanted to.
It's all coming back to me. Waves of invasion. I really am not sure how to go about dealing with it. I just can't seem to take my mind off things. The more i read, the more i keep myself occupied, it just keeps coming back. And now im really afraid that i may end up where i was at the very beginning.
I woke up today and looked into the mirror. And i saw the track of a dried tear stain from the corner of the eye right down tot he ear. And i thought " Oh, i cried last night?" Amazingly, i don't remember crying before i went to sleep. But i knew i was sad.
Museum was great. I really enjoy the solo trip. Thereby, i proved to be capable of doing things and going to places alone. Not that i have to prove to anyone or myself, i always knew that i am independent. Yes, i am. But when it comes to simply the emotional aspects of a human being, im dependent. Who isn't? Admist the solace and peace of being alone, i really yearn for someone to talk to, to share my thoughts with, to relate to. Too bad, humans are just programmed this way, its this that makes us humane afterall. She said that too, and i totally agree, with a hint of sadness and unwillingness.
Movie was the killer of the day. I couldn't take my mind off the movie. It provoked such deep thoughts in me that i myself wouldn't have expected. Perhaps she really loved him, perhaps he did too. But they did not fell in love with each other, but with the person whom shares the same predicament, in the midst of their fears and insecurities.
And well, i managed not to drink again, though i really wanted to.
It's all coming back to me. Waves of invasion. I really am not sure how to go about dealing with it. I just can't seem to take my mind off things. The more i read, the more i keep myself occupied, it just keeps coming back. And now im really afraid that i may end up where i was at the very beginning.
I woke up today and looked into the mirror. And i saw the track of a dried tear stain from the corner of the eye right down tot he ear. And i thought " Oh, i cried last night?" Amazingly, i don't remember crying before i went to sleep. But i knew i was sad.
Tuesday 4 December 2007
This is bad, real bad.
Just when im getting all excited and prepared to embark on my solo journey to the museums, im feeling giddy and breathless. Shit. Im old. Or is there something wrong with my body????
Just pray that i won't faint halfway or my knees won't give way.
My mum came back from a walk by the reservoir with a SWOLLEN knee. Yes, im getting all jittery, maybe it's a sign. It just runs in the family. Damn it. I better walk, run, jump all i can before i can't.
Bye bye!! My solo journey begins!! :)
Just when im getting all excited and prepared to embark on my solo journey to the museums, im feeling giddy and breathless. Shit. Im old. Or is there something wrong with my body????
Just pray that i won't faint halfway or my knees won't give way.
My mum came back from a walk by the reservoir with a SWOLLEN knee. Yes, im getting all jittery, maybe it's a sign. It just runs in the family. Damn it. I better walk, run, jump all i can before i can't.
Bye bye!! My solo journey begins!! :)
Sunday 2 December 2007
I used to look forward to the weekends. And now, i dread it.
I loved saturday nights. But these days, it's swept by waves of empitness.
I used to like the no. 22 a lot, a whole damn lot. But i dread the coming 22nd, every coming 22nd. And the one next year.
Now, tell me how. How???????
I think i need to arrange my next appointment. Im such a leech.
I loved saturday nights. But these days, it's swept by waves of empitness.
I used to like the no. 22 a lot, a whole damn lot. But i dread the coming 22nd, every coming 22nd. And the one next year.
Now, tell me how. How???????
I think i need to arrange my next appointment. Im such a leech.
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