I wished i've seeked help earlier, and now i can't wait to see her. But im afraid its going to be yet another futile attempt. Can even anyone help me when im not even helping myself??

For these past months, ive been wanting to scream at everyone's face, not that i don't appreciate your effort, not that i don't treasure your help and advices, but " why don't you just just stop telling me to forget him???!! because the fucking truth is i love him a whole damn lot to not even not think about him, let alone to forget him." No offense, but yeah, im just speaking my mind. And yeah, i don't blame all of you. Afterall, you're not me.

Each day, for moments of the day, for moments in the night, there are bound to be invasions of memories. And they all never fail to tear my heart apart, reduce me to a pathetic crying state that i myself hate. Do you enjoy long train rides with him, even though it meant parting at the reach of the destination? I did, and i truely appreciate his thoughtfulness of staying with me till the train reached the east, even though he could have alighted 10 minutes from the start of the journey. And i really really love holding his jaw, supporting his head as he was nodding away in his sleep, all in hope not to aggrevate his neck pain. I simply adore tucking him to bed, and watching him drift to sleep peacefully like a little boy. I love calling him a fool. I love the way his lips moved when he speaks. I love the old ah pek singlet that he wore all so often. I miss the unique scent of his clothes. I miss the the distraught look on his face when he has just woken up. I miss him calling me dear dear. And i simply miss those days.

Can anyone ever understand. No. Not even if you've experienced the same thing. Coz its just way too much of a personal experience.

Nothing can explain this love. Just like i don't even know where im right now.