puking post

Pardon me, i need to vomit out everything here.

Im really drained. To the point that coffee and tea doesn't help anymore. Even if it does, im distracted every 5 mins. I just feel like throwing everything out of the window, and myself out of the window. Im not depressed im not mad im just tired. I long for quiet walks in the nights, maybe i will go for one later. Oh man, it reminds me of those times, quiet walks. His sweet gesture of driving to my house and buying me moo ice cream just to cheer me up after a horrible quarrel with my mum and brother. The memories, particularly this one, just twitches my heart.

and he just bothers me so much with his nick.I know i shouldn't feel this way, but it just irritates the hell out of me. YES, i know you're having the hell of your time enjoying your freedom and being a flirt as u claimed to be. but what the fuck. like what the fuck. and the thought of her just makes me sick, the thought of the possiblity of two fucked up ppl being together is more than enough for me to puke my inestines out. shit. lets not harp on it.

Im feeling sad for popo. Knee operation twice in a row. I so can foresee myself years down the road.

Im really hoping to materalize my dream of travelling. Not just alone, but with the one. Isn't is such a beautiful thing to travel with the one, to share your thoughts, your joy, your anger, your fustrations with along the way.... is there really someone out there who truely loves me, whom we can both share our love with, and spend the moments of our lives as one? Does he exists? What if God has other plans for me? Like i won't get married, there won't be a " the one" for me?

I've given this a thought: if there really isn't someone who truely loves me for the way i am, whom wants to share the love, then its better to be alone.